


but i still love you

by lissethsrojas



Series: i don’t wanna let it show [2]
Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I Tried, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:20:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25686436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lissethsrojas/pseuds/lissethsrojas
Summary: and i don’t wanna be alone another nighti don’t want to feel this bluehow do i let you know if i don’t want toor, hailey’s side of the story
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton
Series: i don’t wanna let it show [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1861477
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	but i still love you

**Author's Note:**

> this is a sequel to i don’t wanna let it show. it can be read as a standalone, or with the other story  
> title and summary from _i don’t want to_ by alessia cara

it’s no secret that hailey loves jay. she always will. and in her mind, breaking up with him was her way of protecting and keeping herself put together. if anything, it was for the both of them. at least that’s what she told herself.

two months ago hailey’s mom died. it was unexpected, but she had an idea of what happened. she spent a week shut up in her room trying to process the news. then she realized that there would be a funeral.

no, she didn’t forget that there’d be a funeral. she realized her whole family would be in attendance, including her dad. hailey wasn’t sure if she could handle being in the same room as her dad without exploding with rage. she’d have her brothers with her, but who’s to say they wouldn’t also, lose their patience.

she wanted to tell jay, but she didn’t because she knew that he’d constantly be checking on her, asking if she’s okay and that he’d want to go with her to the funeral. while the former would be sweet, she didn’t think she’d be able to keep herself together if she saw him. and the latter? there were so many reasons she didn’t want him to come. the main one being she didn’t want him to meet her dad.

throughout their relationship, jay has always asked about meeting her family but hailey always made excuses or distracted him with… stuff. she didn’t want him to meet her family because they’re dysfunctional. her and her brothers were always mad at their dad and trying to help their mom and that’s not something she wanted jay to see. and the thought of jay going to the funeral with her wasn’t the best.

so, she broke up with him. because why would he come with her to the funeral if they weren’t together and she just wasn’t ready to see him. and here she was, two months later, sitting on the floor, crying as his voicemail played.

she kept all the voicemails and read all his texts but never replied. she keeps telling herself it’s not the right time but she’s just scared. what she’s scared of? hailey couldn’t tell you even if she tried. at some point she stopped crying and just stared at the wall. wondering. asking questions. trying to figure out why she was ignoring the one person that loved her unconditionally.

she took her phone and stared at her wallpaper, a picture of jay. studying his smiling face as he was telling her about golf. and for the second time that night, she cried. she cried because she kept pushing the love of her life away. the one person that would move heaven and earth to see her smile. the person that told her, on multiple occasions, that she puts aphrodite to shame. and she kept ignoring him.

when her crying died down, she picked up a discarded photo of jay and thought about calling him. telling him that she loves and misses him too. telling him that she wants him, _needs_ him right now. but she didn’t because she knows that if she did, she wouldn’t be able to hold it in anymore. she knows the weight of the past few months would come crashing on her and she’d break down. and again she cried. she cried because the only person who could tell her what to do wasn’t here. and she cried so hard and so much that she cried herself to sleep.

the next morning, if vanessa noticed the redness of her eyes and the fact that she was wearing jay’s hoodie, she didn’t say anything. she just smiled at her and asked what she wanted to eat. and when hailey cried that same night, vanessa held her and told her that it would be okay eventually.


End file.
